Having Difficult Conversations at work

Many managers dread these conversations and actually postpone it as much as possible and sometimes instead of the situation ‘vanishing’ it only deteriorates and gets even more difficult. Can we wish difficult conversations away? My honest answer is No. Can we have these conversations and minimize the ‘impact’ and ‘damage’ and have positive experience from it? My answer is a definite ‘yes’.
Each of these conversations will require different approach depending on where you are sitting (the giving or the receiving end) but primarily for the manager who will hold these discussions; one thing runs through in all of them and that is ‘empathy’. We have all at one time or the other been on the lower end of the ladder but when we get up there, we tend to forget what it really feels like at the bottom. Also, we tend to think that we got to where we are today (I am talking of those of us who are very ‘smart’ and experienced) from our mothers womb and have never been at the beginners level. We view people from where we and not be able to relate to where they are. This kind of attitude will make having even easy conversations very difficult.

In my role as HR professional and as an internal service provider, I have had several sessions with managers on how to hold appraisal discussions. Sometimes, they are not even aware that the sitting positions and the environment where these conversations are held are impactful on the way the discussions and feedbacks are received. Managers, also dread holding these conversations because they are typically very aloof and indifferent from their team members performance and actions all along and have never stopped to either pat on the back or reprimand until everything came a to ‘head’ and now they have to give the ‘bad

Most ‘difficult’ conversations center around employee performance (behaviors, effectiveness etc) and these conversations should not really be that difficult. I have met mangers who said “oh easy, I am immuned now”. Such responses are very disturbing because these types of managers lack what it takes to be managers. The term manager has to do with ‘managing people’ and if they are immuned to the ‘feelings’ of their team members, I dare say, it is a danger signal. However, managing emotions comes with maturity and when managers have to make a tough call; they have to make a tough call. Below are a few tips on holding very difficult conversations.

Communicate the Criteria for Decision Making
Allow Time for Reaction
Use this as an Opportunity for Recommending Areas of Development
Highlight the Positives and/or Strengths

Confronting issues are difficult conversations whether with employees or spouses or siblings but you cannot deal with what you cannot confront. Ignoring it or wishing it way, can only make the situation worse.